It was not losing the 2013 AFL Grand Final that brought Fremantle captain Matthew Pavlich to tears but a moment of realisation before the game, as he sat in his hotel room.
 
Pavlich officially launched his autobiography Purple Heart on Thursday, after his 16th AFL season.
 
The book gives a fascinating insight into the club games record holder and the brutal highs and lows of life as an AFL player.
 
Fremantle’s 2013 was an historic season for the club after it reached its first Grand Final.
 
As Pavlich sat in his hotel room, preparing to lead his side out onto the MCG on the last Saturday in September just a few hours later, he was overwhelmed by emotion.
 
“There I was, crying. Crying my eyes out,” Pavlich writes.

 “I don’t cry. I never do. Ask anyone who knows me well, especially Lauren (Matthew’s wife).

“And here I was, lying on my bed in a hotel room, only an hour away from boarding our bus for the MCG.”

Pavlich said it took a few moments but he realised his tears were that of a man who had hungered for this day since he was a boy.

 “Then it hit home,” he writes.

“I was finally about to realise a boyhood dream – running out onto the ’G on Grand Final day.

“Years of failure, mental and physical torment, self-doubt and endless ridicule, and now these words and music, finally got to me.

“Feelings of intense anger and relief rushed over me.

I've made no decision: Pavlich

“Anger at those over the years who had knocked me, told me I wasn’t good enough, or those who had knocked Freo.”

Pavlich said the Grand Final was over in a blip, suddenly the siren sounded and Fremantle was on the wrong side of history.

A 15-point loss to Hawthorn was heartbreaking.

“I heard the siren sound. I’m sure I did, but it still took a moment or two for it to sink in,” he writes.
 
“Is this it? My head was spinning, eyes darting.
 
“Hawthorn players were celebrating just metres in front of me, jumping all over each other.
 
“I couldn’t hear the crowd, but I remember seeing the players’ jubiliation.
 
“Fifteen points.
 
“It hurt. The dream was over.
 
“I stood motionless in front of 100,000 people at the MCG and millions watching on TV, feeling like the loneliest person in the world.”
 
Purple Heart is available to purchase at the online Fremantle team store.